


i’ll search the universe (until i can find you again)

by orphan_account



Category: Stray Kids (Band)
Genre: Angst, I can’t tag, M/M, changbin is a demigod, inspired by universe, i’m sorry felix
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-30
Updated: 2018-12-30
Packaged: 2019-09-30 14:05:32
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,384
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17225438
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: ❝I'm glad it was you I fell so deeply in love with. For one last time, thank you.❞





	1. Chapter 1

Changbin had always admired the stars, the effulgent moon and the clearness of the periwinkle sky. He frequently thought that the luminous spheres of plasma were discerning and percipient, how they watched over this dying world and gleamed with all their coruscating glory, but stayed far away enough to remain as observing bystanders, smartly away from the humans that continued to consistently and ignorantly destroy their planet without a second thought.

A digital clock gleamed annoyingly in the distance, the bold numbers 10:04 flashing and illuminating the dimly lit room in an eerie vermilion glow. He breathed out a sigh of relief. There was still time. 

The stars, the efflulgent moon and the periwinkle night sky were in more ways than one, Changbin's best friends. He had been a deity since birth, assigned to look after the night and help to maintain the tranquility and quietude that surrounded it. His friends, other demigods, never failed to remind him that his overly analytical and misanthropic nature hindered him from the overrated concept of socialising with mortals. Naturally, he didn't care. Humans never stuck around anyway, in more ways than one. 

However, tonight was different. The stars gleamed brighter, as if in anticipation.

He was - and probably always will be - an over thinker. Each small decision he made was closely evaluated to make sure that the desired outcome would be secured.

And so, the current turmoil that battled like an imminent storm in his mind was this: whether he should or whether he should not help the struggling, disorganised and obnoxiously irritating mess of his new neighbour with the boxes situated outside of his new flat. 

Changbin scoffed slightly to himself. He was being pathetic, no wonder the other weather deities consistently berated him for being 'an antisocial wreck.' For once, just once, maybe he should help...

Okay, so maybe it was clear to say that his decision had already been made.

With counterfeit confidence in his footsteps and a coffee coloured jacket dangling over his left arm, he hesitantly left the safe confinements of his flat to trudge his way to his next door neighbour's door. Swiftly, he pressed the taunting doorbell before the logical side of his mind could flash warning signs that screamed at the male to go back, to forget this ever happened.

A screech, a dropping of yet another box and then, silence. 

Just as he was about to go back, the door slammed open, revealing a lanky male with messy brown locks and adorab- no, stupid flushed cheeks. The caramel haired man cringed at the cacophonous sounds.

"Damn, was I really that loud? I'm sorry, I'll try to keep it down," He whispered softly, the sonorous tone of his voice comically quiet in comparison to the utter racket he had made not even seconds prior.

The stranger's voice was honey and milk, soft, like the petals of a rose, but unexplainably deep, the rich vibrato comparable to even the most entrancing of symphonies.

In that one second filled with bated breath and ringing white silence, Chanbin finally worked up the courage to reply. 

Annoying neighbour was cute. Undoubtedly so.

"It's fine, I don't care," Changbin's effort to remain composed was almost laughable. "I just wanted to ask if I could, um, help?" 

Like a light switch, the other male instantaneously brightened up, elated grin blinding. "Yeah, sure! My mum panicked too much with the packing, that's for sure. There's way too much for me to put away by myself, so I really appreciate it. My name's Felix by the way, Felix Lee."

"Changbin." The aforementioned male greeted back, albeit awkwardly.

If Changbin was the effulgent moon, this stranger was the coruscating sun.

In a matter of minutes, he had known Felix's entire life story, his dreams and aspirations, ("basically, I want to make people happy. I want them to laugh, to smile, to be themselves. What a long shot, right?") his favourite flower ("red roses. You better not forget.") and the second word he spoke as a baby (because apparently, saying the first word was overrated. Figures). 

He laughs loud, Changbin notices. The sound is a consonance of twinkling street lights and adrenaline pumping promises, the kind where the only witness of such affairs were the stars that smiled down upon you in glimmering highs. 

Crap. He was whipped already.

And yet, Changbin still had not articulated many words, not used to the unadulterated optimism radiating out of the Australian. Thankfully, the younger boy didn't seem to mind, somehow speaking twice as much as if to make up for his own lack of utterances.

"What's your favourite colour?" He had asked.

Nothing. Still, Changbin remained sedulously and incredulously stubborn, refusing to answer any of his incessant questions.

"Would you rather lose the ability to hear or the ability to see?" 

"If you were a song, which one would you be?"

A few more questions hung in the air, each one being met up with the familiar blunt silence. 

"Not much of a talker huh," He beamed, placing a cumbersome box on the kitchen counter. "that's fine. I'll do the talking for us-"

Felix's eyes widened as he coughed. This wasn't what surprised Changbin however - it was how he kept choking and wheezing, eventually leading to him covering up his mouth in sheer displeasure. When the hacking ceased, he tore his sleeve away, revealing a large smudge of crimson surrounding his lips.

"W-what-"

"Shh. Don't. I just wanna spend my last few months living for once, please, please just let me." 

The stars brimming in his irises begged for consideration, burning even brighter than the night he looked over.

"Alright." He muttered reluctantly.

Felix smiled. However, the strain of his scarlet tinted lips told him that he was feeling anything other than buoyant. Felix hastily dug around for something to wipe his mouth with.

"Black," A mellifluous voice stopped him in his tracks.

"Huh?" He questioned, confused.

"Black. My favourite colour is black." Changbin smiled.

-

Five months passed.

There was no doubt about it - Felix Lee was, and always will be, the sun, the clouds, everything Seo Changbin couldn't be.

The other deities noticed. Of course they did. The night lasted less despite the upcoming winter, his reasoning all due to his day loving next door neighbour.

The same neighbour with a smile brighter than the moon itself, starry astrophyllite-esque irises gleaming with coruscating constellations and mesmerising shooting stars, personality burning with the irrepressible ferocity of the effervescent sun.

"Thank you." He says one November evening.

"What for?"

It had only taken Felix a few weeks to break his walls, to crumble them so harshly to the ground that it would've been impossible to repair.

"For knocking on my door at ten that the morning. For being there for me when no one else would, for being a friend, for being someone that I don't deserve. Thank you so, so much."

"Yah, stop being sappy, you idiot. You don't have to thank me for anything." Changbin rolled his eyes.

Felix laughed. A bright, brilliant melody.

"But I do." He grinned.

As if to prove his point, Felix lunged for Changbin, locking the elder in a tight embrace.

"You're disgusting. Get off, you're gonna crush me." Changbin groaned, the smile in his voice contradicting his articulation.

"Hmm, are you sure you mean that hyung?" Felix teased, connecting his cheek against the other male's own. "I know you love me really. I'm irresistible."

Changbin managed a throaty laugh. 

He most certainly didn't notice the way his heartbeat sped up abruptly in his chest at the miniscule contact. Nope, definitely not.

"Whatever you say, Yongbok." He smirked.

"Hyung!" Felix whined, laugh imminent. "I told you not to call me that!"

Changbin saw mini galaxies illuminate in his eyes and sunshine emit from his cheeks.

Howbeit, just like the day and night, everything had to come to an inevitable end.

-

Changbin should've noticed.

He should've noticed how Felix's coughing became more frequent, more violent, how he missed their annual coffee dates and how he was never in whenever Changbin knocked.

He should have noticed the despondent stares of the other demigods and how they graced him with a look of utmost pity like it was a new fashion trend. 

"Hey, I'll be fine," He convinced, still smiling, still happy.

Fine. The four letter word mocked him. Changbin glared at his sprawled out figure and the cadaverousness of his face, the carmine blood spilled all around him like a renowned horror movie. Yes, he was most certainly fine.

"You're dying. You're not fine."

Despite his weak lungs, Felix managed a broken laugh. "Never lose your bluntness. Never lose yourself, y-you hear?"

"You can't-" He rasped out. "you can't leave me. Not now. Please."

He closed his eyes, the smile never leaving her lips. "This isn't goodbye, I promise. We'll meet again, I swear on the stars."

Felix coughed once more, staining his already soiled sweater with more crimson. 

A sob lodged in Changbin's throat, tears pooling in his eyes. "I don't want you to go. Don't go..." He pleaded helplessly.

Visions of their first encounter flash, reminding him that this was really it, the inevitable end.

"My mum, dad. Tell them I'm sorry, I, I-" 

"Shh. Everything will be okay," His heart shattered. 

"God, I'm s-so stupid. I thought I would l-last, y'know? I never thought I'd be so weak, so s-tupid. I deserve to-"

"Don't say that," He spoke. "don't ever, ever say that. Every life is worth living, you're no exception."

He opened his eyes slowly, glancing at him with a look of familiarity. Tears began to form at the corner of his once ebullient irises. "The stars and the moon. Take care of them for me, Seo Changbin."

"H-how..."

Felix smiled sadly, recalling the truth and leaving it unspoken. 

With all his might and his new found emotion, Changbin willed the coruscating stars and the effulgent moon to shine as bright as Felix's personality, his smile, his everything. 

One last time, he beamed in unadulterated awe. With one more bated breath, he closed his eyes, the sun and moon dimming along with him.

Faintly, the words 'I love you' resonate across the frigid December air.


	2. epilogue.

He was stupid.

Felix Lee was an idiot. A moron. A vacuous fool.

A idiot, moron and vacuous fool in pure, deep love. 

He didn't mean to fall. No, he didn't mean to fall for his recluse next door neighbour. Neither was he meant to love Changbin's personality, reminiscent of an intricate solar system - cloistered and withdrawn, somewhat supercilious to an extent. He didn't mean to love his misanthropic nature that once held no repentance, nor the coruscating planets of mercury and neptune burning in eyes when he talked about his evocative passions. No, he really didn't mean to fall for his vivacious nature, and he most certainly didn't mean to fall, fall and fall for his chilling dark galaxies of obsidian, an entryway to the scintillating stars and constellations that mapped out his ineffable mind.

Seo Changbin was the moon, the stars, his sky, his world. 

He was simply the supporting character in his story. A vague memory, one to replay in his darkest days.

Felix sighed sadly. He glanced at the clock. 10:04.

His time had run out.

With one last wandering glance, Felix reread his rushed words. They were much, much more than just simple careless letters on paper to him but rather his heart, his everything.

Nevertheless, he held his head up. His coughing never ceased, becoming more feral.

It was really the end.

Maybe in another more fortunate lifetime, he and Seo Changbin could meet again. Perhaps they could be happier. Maybe they could have had their 'happy' ending.

Maybe, just maybe. 

The stars scintillated, as if in agreement. The effulgent moon and the periwinkle sky loomed over like a stupendous canvas, outstretched and ineffably mesmerising.

This however, was no goodbye. It was merely the beginning.

[Dear Seo Binnie Binnie Changbinnie,

I hate you. Ha, I bet that's not something you expected to read. 

But truly, I do hate you hyung. I hate your laugh. Why is it so cute? That's not fair. I hate your face when you're passionate about something, how you look so enamoured, so untouchable. Who allowed you to look so ensnaring and so beguiling? I hate how you try to act so tough, even though you held my hand so tightly and adorably when we watched that one horror film at the cinema - it wasn't even that scary! I'm still disappointed in you, you're meant to be the 'man' in this friendship.

Ah, friendship. No, no, I am not friendzoning you, so don't pout and don't have those adorable puppy dog eyes. I hate that too.

I'm sure you heard my confession. Now, I don't know if you feel the same way (you probably don't, and that's okay) but I'm sure I would've died with eternal regrets if I didn't say what I said. 

Because yes, Seo Changbin. I love you.

I, Felix Lee, love you more than the sun loves the moon, two destined lovers who die for each other each night- wait, that's too dramatic. Just know that I love you, okay? So much. So, so much. 

Thank you.

I can't say that enough.

Thank you for befriending me. Thank you for helping me find myself. Thank you for being there for me. Thank you, thank you, thank you.

You better not forget me, yeah? Although, I'm pretty damn memorable, so it's unlikely that you will, if I do say so myself.

But promise me something. Seo Changbin, promise me that you won't hold yourself back. Promise me that you'll be happy. You deserve happiness, you deserve the world and more. You better not cry over me. Hey, you better not 'kay? Don't think of this as a goodbye. We'll meet again, like I promised - and I never break a promise.

I'm glad it was you I met that night I moved in.

I'm glad it was you I befriended.

I'm glad it was you I fell so deeply in love with.

For one last time, thank you. I love you I love you I love you.

See you later,

Your Felix Lee x]

**Author's Note:**

> pls forgive me if the formatting is awkward, this is my first work on ao3 so whoops - this is also cross posted on wp ^^
> 
> contact me at my tumblr caimeii :)


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